Bkerké Grants Wives of Married Priests an Identity

A virtuous revolution is underway in the Maronite Church: Bkerké has decided to give the wives of its married priests an identity – the “khouriyates.”

They are named Rita, Paulette, Nadia, Nour, Charlotte and Dounia, and all are married to Maronite priests. They are the “khouriyates,” the feminine form of “khoury” (priest), an affectionate designation they have always carried. On May 16, they took part in the first national gathering of priests’ wives in the Maronite Church, which moved to formally recognize them and ensure they are fully integrated into their husbands’ priestly journey. In a message to the assembly, Cardinal Mario Grech underscored the initiative’s dual thrust: fidelity to the Eastern tradition of the Maronite Church, alongside openness to the prominent place and role women must hold in contemporary society.

The meeting, a historic first, was jointly prepared and launched by the Diocese of Antelias, led by Bishop Antoine Bou Najem, and the Patriarchal Committee for the Follow-up of the Synod on Synodality, chaired by Bishop Mounir Khairallah, Bishop of Batroun. Its theme was: “The Vocation and Mission of the Khouriye in the Church.” For the 154 priests’ wives in attendance, the gathering was a profound gift: recognition by the community and the promise of ongoing formation.

“It even happened that, in the assembly, there was a priest’s wife whose son is himself a married priest,” jokes Rita Abou-Mitri, 49, coordinator of the group of priests’ wives within the Diocese of Antelias. The body played a driving role in bringing this national first to fruition. “The oldest had been married for fifty years, while the most recent had been married for only a week!’ she adds with a laugh.

The number of “khouriyates” in Lebanon is in fact higher, Rita acknowledges, noting that precise data on the matter remains unavailable.

The importance of Maronite priests in Lebanese society hardly needs stressing, both in urban centers and rural villages. Their marriage is an integral part of the Maronite tradition and is often seen as a factor of stability, fertility and unity. Within the Maronite Church, they hold a particular status: their state of life is chosen prior to ordination. As diocesan priests, they cannot be consecrated as bishops, nor can they remarry after the death of their wife. In the West, Pope Francis has authorized their presence and ordination, given their growth and the migratory flows that have taken them out of the Middle East.

A trained nurse, Rita and her husband, Georges Abou-Mitri, parish priest of Saint-Michel Church in Beit Cha’ar (Metn), have three children: two boys aged 15 and 18, and a 11-year-old girl. They met when Georges was preparing for the priesthood at the Ghazir seminary (Kesrouan). Her husband’s academic background includes hotel management, spiritual accompaniment and philosophy. There is no sense of betrayal or guilt in their relationship. Father Georges had, from that time, chosen marriage, following a process of discernment with his spiritual director.

“Leaving God for God”

For this couple, the two vocations – marriage and the priesthood – are not in contradiction. One of the “golden rules” of their shared life is flexibility, a principle established by Saint Vincent de Paul for the Daughters of Charity: “There are certain occasions in which one cannot keep the order of the daily schedule (...); charity is above all rules (...). God calls you to prayer, and at the same time He calls you to that poor sick person. This is called leaving God for God.”

“It is a law of freedom,” Rita explains. “Like any mother, there are moments when I have to cut Mass short to take care of the children, or leave a meeting if urgency requires it. At the same time, I must exercise great restraint in my interactions with the various social or charitable parish committees, youth organizations, First Communion annual preparation, women’s groups, relations with the school system, and so on.”

“It is our partnership that makes the family grow,” she continues. For Rita, this means that the two vocations are conceived and lived together, and that together they form a pastoral team without introducing a false hierarchy into the couple. There is a delicate balance to be found in the mutual service they render to one another. The priority is that Father Georges’ priestly ministry bears fruit, without their marriage falling into solitude and exhaustion, or the children being neglected.

“On the contrary,” Rita stresses, “our good understanding is reflected in my husband’s relationship with his parishioners. If there is tension in the air – and it does happen – or if fatigue becomes too visible, it creates problems, and they notice it immediately. Moreover, both our families prioritize Georges’ schedule and reorganize their timetables accordingly. The children adapt as well.”

Rita notes, however, that in the early phase of her marriage, in order to care for her young children, she had to give up her contract at a major hospital in Beirut. During those years, the family relied on her husband’s teaching salary, as he provides catechism classes and spiritual accompaniment in two different schools.

It is also customary in Maronite parishes for priests to receive a salary. However, this amount is not standardized and depends on each parish’s resources. In the best cases, it does not exceed $600 per month. Some parishes may reduce it to as little as $100, considering that priests can supplement their income through baptisms, weddings and funerals they celebrate.

It remains nonetheless the case that, in the Maronite Church, a priest’s housing is normally provided by the parish, his children receive free schooling, and he benefits from medical and hospital insurance covered by his diocese, as well as a pension fund.

“Whether the priest is single or married, it makes no difference, provided he does not look back, takes up the yoke of service and follows Christ in joy,” says Bishop Paul Nahed, himself a married priest and secretary general of the Patriarchal Committee for the Follow-up of the Synod on Synodality.

Cardinal Grech: “A True Calling”

Welcomed and accompanied by Patriarch Bechara Rai, Bishop Mounir Khairallah of Batroun, who oversees the Synod on Synodality follow-up, Bishop Antoine Bou Najem of Antelias, and Bishop Paul Nahed, participants at the gathering listened to a video message from Cardinal Mario Grech, Secretary General of the Synod of Bishops in Rome, which Father Nahed described as “strikingly open.”

“Your invitation,” Cardinal Grech said, “though surprising, allowed me to appreciate the value of the journey your Church is undertaking in order to remain faithful to its own tradition (...). Given that the tradition of the Eastern Churches has always emphasized the importance of a married clergy, it is essential, in the present time and in the face of growing sociocultural changes, to recognize that women should occupy a role more in keeping with their immense capacities; this role should be able to fully accompany the priestly journey, and even become an integral – and not secondary – part of it.”

Addressing the wives directly, Cardinal Grech added: “Be faithful to your calling. It is indeed a true calling. Live alongside your husbands as priests, offering them your abilities and intelligence, and above all your faith, your hope and your love – this love that draws its strength from the wonderful gift God has given you: becoming mothers within the ecclesial community.”

Divided into small groups, the women present experienced what is known as “conversation in the Spirit,” a moment of sharing and listening to what the Holy Spirit says to the Church through the believing community. They also met Patriarch Rai, who patiently answered numerous practical questions regarding their situation, including widowhood. A committee will be responsible for following up on the meeting and developing a program of biblical and pastoral formation. For Rita Abou-Mitri, “the spirit of listening, discernment and participation dominated the day, reflecting a spiritual atmosphere in which participants experienced a Pentecost.”